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such a beautiful disaster;
Monday, July 31, 2006
A continue
Ya 8 of aug will be the last day of my performance.. Firstly i nt trying to flaunt.. i did really get more gers frens in singing.. and i really dun wish and let dat "some1" realise that i am actually dat insecure to be with. today at the lecturer day gt gers ask me for ktv etc ya and i really heck care seriously.. ever since i make up my mind for her.. ya i really go for it.. i really dun wish her to have the impression dat i was doing it for myself.. i make my stand clear liao by the dedication! and i hope she realise =) i dunno whether the outcome will be a good one? bt i really appreciate the moment she spend wif me.. here and then, now and maybe in the future.. singing and her .. i will take her more.. haha singing is just my passion bt she is my life =).. wad's more to conclude? hahahaha nth liaos.. i dun wan to tell her actually dere is such thing going on .. coz i scare will backfire and she will think i flirting ard whereas i am not.. i today keep myself to my frens only.. i dun wna gif ppl impression i haf alot of gers friend around ! Seriously i already lost every confidence i haf.. ever since she broken my heart twice .. i really did my best for the past 2 years really i tink i put in enough effort .. bt ........................................
the origin.8:25 AM
hahahahahha today is the lecturer day!!!.. yes indeed i enjoy today session.. Really deep within my heart!! Actually i really dun take this performance a better for myself.. I make it purposely just for her.. bt i din tink she will realise if i dun tell her my intention. Frankly speaking in the past yes i did.. i just those star event to gain fame and and to sing =) bt today is merely for her, i can't really think of anyway to express my feelings for her in a very romantic? way hahaha.. BY including her in my priority in the dedication i tink this is the most ideal "way" i can tink of. Firstly to make sure dat she is the one! and none other else.. all the ppl who went there noe ya .. this guy by the name of yihong is already gt some1 else in mind! =) Secondly, i was surprise the ba society send a rep give me flowers and eventually i gave the flowers to some1 =) ( the person i dedicate to ) They give me the flowers is to thxs me for singing.. actually my intention is nt to help them, is to sing for her, let her noe wad i really feel, this 2 songs wen rou and hui dao guo qu, if she hear the lyrics carefully in wen rou ( bu zhi dao bu ming liao bu xiang yao wei she mo wo de xin, ming ming shi xiang kao jing que gu dan dao li ming) meaning everytime i wanan get close to her bt eventually we still nt meant to be tgt =( , in hui dao guo qu ( xiang kan ni kan de shi jie, xiang zai ni meng de hua mian) ya .. i always long to be wif her, ever in her dreams, every moment i wanna let her become the most fortunate one!
the origin.8:02 AM
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Life is always filled with dismay.. somethings also happen when u least expected it to be.. though you have plans for it. Hmm sound beri chim.. anyway losing spread this mth.. mahjong keep lousing .. guess i have to spend more love with my hong zhong, bai ban, fa chai instead of going for a ger? hahas.. well i heard from 933 today which lin zhi sae wad "gt love gamble 90% lose" well it's really quite true for me. That time i went elisha hse play with her brother etc, everytime is i win 10 bucks or 90% winning rate there bt every since i make up my mind to go for her.. my luck in gamble drop drastically =( today go my grandma hse also lose mahjong .. guess i have to stop gambling liao!
"her" today come and click and me and chatted with me and ask me how's my life nowaday.. and then i send her the link of the itlg podcast and she said she still like my voice -.-" is still as good as last time in fact better i also dunno how she came to this conclusion where i sing the podcast wif my throat sore.. maybe she nid some hearing aid ? =) but i tink i already made up my mind.. a tired her that don't understand me but with a angel character , or a blessing her that i enjoy being with her with all the laughters around but don't really seem to appreciate me at all ! .. hais.. life is always liddat.. =(
the origin.10:48 AM
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Today is a sucking day for me.. hais.. wtf my parent really sux to a certain extend. I feel so disgusted today.. like penniless ppl going around wif no money.. wtf why my parent controlling my money like shit!.. i am 19 years old.. fark damn big liao.. In the past if i haf no money i die also wun go out wif my frens even GIRLFRIEND! .. come on' though joyce and frens din really bother abt the money and they wanna treat me and i sae i enjoy being a "small white face"but in my deepest soul i hate it.. like i only wan to treat gers i nv liek to be treat by them.. maybe is just my mentality coz i am grew up with this kind of friends!
Hot of cold? i also dunno .. "her" msg me ask me go out for dinner.. guess wad i politely decline her.. maybe really time to do some soul searching .. or maybe i din like her dat much and miss her dat siao? .. or maybe is another her - cat who making me feel more comfortable with her around even without "her" existance? merely is my love for her merely just a fog.. nah.. it's getting more and more complicated.. Cat is nice bt i dun tink i will for her.. nahs.. maybe just for the time being.. i already being beaten till i dunno wad to sae by cat.. i can proudly sae i did lots for cat bt it's not abt effort dat counts .. love this kind of thing.. nah i still nid time to understand..
My 2nd last singing performance 31 july lecturer day
the origin.7:42 AM
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
MIXED feelings! .. omg till now i still have faced this shit? .. why? izzit i see her lesser often? .. hais.. maybe the problem lies with me.. the longer it get the lesser it became! or i think maybe we are not meant to be? in the first place where my fren like her and i gave up the idea i noe fate is leading me drift further and further with her.. and now fate let me noe this ger who makes me happy .. makes me comfortable with her existance which put me into mixed feelings!.. nah i really hope to clear up my thought but hard.. both are good gers but i really dunno who i like more?.. maybe i will sorts out 1 soon and go for it or maybe i will go china shave hair and become monk.. tired of getting in love and end up being a fool in this game of love...
Anyway nice outing today wif joyce missy weeliang sam yy bifang .. haha .. a shopping day at orchard is definitely not bad.. haha .. and heard from joyce dat weeliang buy a shirt becoz wendy liek? hahahahhaahahahhah another love story.. hais.. life is just like a story books, everyone revolving around events, torturing by this word called love, some benefit and enjoy the sweetness of it while some like me withstanding the torments dat shall fall on me! =(
the origin.10:19 AM
Monday, July 24, 2006
Hais.. she had a bad day wif her bro.. quarreling wif her brother as her bro insulted her and sae she mugged to get gd result and she is stupid enuff to waste so much time on studying.. hmm ya i did console her and my effort is nontheless fruitless. I told her if she keep listening to what ppl sae about her, she will be upset. In this case .. she study to get gd results, though she mugged but in the end she achieve wad she wants, she make use of her parents money wisely so she no nid to bother dat much of wad her bro really sae. In the end she rebutted me and sae why i change myself to suit the ger i currently like ( which is her ) and she sae i wun be happy because i change for others. Ya what she sae is maybe right if i dun like her, if she wan me to become a more security person where i am not, will i be happy? if i dun change and i still remain liddat she dun wan me will i be happy? i wun be happy therefore in the process of changing i am happy coz i found a better me and yet to suit her or maybe not. But in her case, she change or din change no difference.
hais trouble me`` maybe wad joyce sae is right, love should not be tired.. really changing myself and to let her noe the change me is really hard.. when she will get to know.. how much i haf sacrifices for her bet she wouldn't know wouldn't care
the origin.10:23 AM
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
To click on her or not to click? .. freaking me for having this kind of dilemma.. haha.. click on her and chat afraid disturbing her after her long day of work? bt not to click on her.. my heart telling me not to do.. eventually i stare at her nick for 15 minuters scroll up and down of my msn toolbar .. trying to focus on other ppl nick instead of hers? .. even resort to game.. Actually is really damn hard for me to chat with her nowaday.. i dun dare to make phone calls to her, hoping that will give her more time to slp instead of crapping with me.. conversation between me and her is like getting lesser and lesser eventually once a week? .. hmm bt i strongly believe dat this will not stop me from struggling .. even i enjoy this process.. is not much abt struggling.. is more about loving in a more persistence way. I also duno how long this motivation can keep me going.. just hope dat one day she willl realise dat i am nt the past .. i am the new me.. a present me to suits her more and a better me that will give her more confidence to give me a chance to get closer to her.. dat's all i hope.. My fren u noe who rite .. ask me to give up but seriously i tink of it .. ya i get wad u mean? .. but if i give up rite now.. my past efforts will be fruitless.. it's nt so much about the outcome pleasant anot .. is about the experience.. the process of really spending effort wholeheartly for someone.. I really enjoy this process maybe will turn out to be a tiring and no outcome .. but sincerely thank you god for giving me this beautiful memories =)
the origin.7:35 AM
Friday, July 14, 2006
At the steamboat session, with the company of Joyce, Missy, Liang, Sam, Mat, Bifang, Karen, Chaifong and wen, it was quite a success. Although in my heart there is always the flashback of the sad memories in the morning but I still continue with the steamboat. Missy and Joyce had try to crap with me to get me involved but I concentrate on my food cuz I really quite sian and abit no mood. To put up a nice show .. ya I smile and crap abit.. actually not really to give Joyce’s face but I think she deserve it as this is her bday and I did spend quite some effort in getting everyone there so I think I should did my part to entertain everyone.
Unfortunately, Missy call me to pluck prawn shells for her.!! More pek chek.. remind me of her again.. the first time I pluck prawn shells for. Still remember 1 year back we go marina eat together where we cook the prawns and I peel for her. And then I rejected missy invitation to peel prawn shells and I continue to enjoy my dinner. At about 9, joyce and missy seem to be rushing, hmm actually I haven eat finish but seeing joyce eager face to get her more presents, haha.. I stopped and left with a ½ filled stomach. ( actually I think I have eaten quite a lot )
The gers went home and the guys ( me mat sam and chia ) we go lan game once again!.. haha despite the lost in the noon. +.+
`` Another day for u
the origin.6:21 PM
Total turnoff..
Hais.. she msged me 8,30 in the morning . omg. I was so happy when I see her msg!! she told me she gonna meet me, I was damn happy. It was like striking a lottery. Can’t believe it when she sae she gonna meet me and last week she said she not gonna meet me. It was really like the end of the world for me never did I feel so. But the happiness did not last long and she came with another msg telling me she will be meeting her mum for dinner and will not be meeting me. OMG! Faint on the spot. It was Joyce’s bday neither do I wan to spoil the occasion and I tell myself “ YIHONG, u can do it” in front of the mirror and manage to hypothesis myself. Yet I went school and celebrate for the sales management class.
the origin.6:20 PM
Thursday, July 06, 2006
My Blog - A new beginning for me
the origin.10:58 AM
SPENDING my nite chatting with joyce.. hahahahahahhahaha
tonite i am beri elmo.. coz she dun wanna meet me.. izt the end? or izt a new beginning? .. no one know.. nt even myself.. i was dread tired of her.. I wanna tell her how i really feel bt i just can't.. she wun believe me.. really she wun!!!.. life is just liddat.. however i will continue, i wouldn't stop becoz of this instead i will carry on and perserve =) loving her every moment
the origin.10:55 AM
Name : Donavon - yIhOnG
School: Ngee Ann Poly
Age : 19
Dob : 7 Jan 1987
Wishes
Superstar
Love her
Be a better man
Improve in my singing
Do well in my fyp
Hates
Backstabber
Hyprocrite
Cheese
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